To The Man Who Served My Husband Sympathy For Having 3 Girls

To the man who served my husband sympathy,

You may not remember us, but we were the table of 5 that sat in your section on Tuesday night.  You greeted us with coasters, gave us your name and addressed my husband,

“3 girls?  I’m sorry, dude.

Yeah, you sorry alright.  

You’re a sorry excuse to try and bond with my daughter’s proud father by apologizing to him (in front of our girls) for their gender.  As if he is cursed, or less fortunate that God didn’t bless him with a boy.

My husband wanted to put your gangly neck in his 20” bicep while I force fed you the horse shit that just flew out of your mouth, but that would just be uncivilized.  Instead, my husband responded as he usually does when misguided people make comments like this about, and in front of, our daughters,

He simply said, “don’t be. I’m extremely blessed,” and then smiled across the table at our girls.

Once you left, our girls asked, “why did he apologize for us being girls?”  My response to them will come later, but as for you Mr. Waiter…

I don’t believe you’re a bad person.  I won’t even label you a sexist or a misogynist.  I think you are a representation of society’s view of women and your unconscious comment was something you’ve heard and maybe repeated numerous times before.

I mean, who doesn’t already know that girls are way too emotional, and 3 of them?  Forget about it!  My poor husband is going to be a prisoner in his own home with 3 bossy, PMSing girls who make it their mission to bring their cursed misery down upon their old dad.

Those bitches are going to drive him crazy with their non stop talking and drama.  Can a guy just come home to a warm, home cooked meal and a cold beer without their women getting their panties all in a bunch over nothing?

Oh, and just wait until they’re teenagers!  Those curves are just “asking for it” and boys will soon be breaking down dad’s door in hopes his precious little girls will be ready and willing.  You’ll be on 24 hour pussy patrol, and that no longer is a good thing, dude.

You’re screwed either way, Dad.  Bring them up to be ladies who don’t raise their voices, and they could be whores, easy, or loose.  Then again, raise them to be strong women who speak up for themselves, and rejected boys will just call them those names anyway.  

From a reputation standpoint, all a boy has to worry about is throwing a ball without getting called a pussy, or reading a book without getting called a little bitch, or… wait, those are just more labels used against boys that actually insult women.  

Maybe it wasn’t a playful joke and you were sincerely apologizing for the worry Dad will endure by having 3 girls.  Maybe you’re aware that 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before the age 18 or that young girls are 4 times more likely to be a victim of rape than adult women.  Maybe you were making a joke at the expense of the 20 million women who have been raped at some point in their lives.  I don’t think you’re a bad person, so I’m going to assume this was not your intent.

I believe you meant no harm, it was just a little statement.  I should probably quit being a snowflake and “man up,” but here’s the thing, I have daughters to raise.

sympathy-3-girls

After you left, I told my daughters that girls like them are changing the world.  That once upon a time, girls couldn’t vote but now we represent the majority of voters.  

I told them that once upon a time women couldn’t work, but now the amount of women becoming doctors, lawyers, and accountants has tripled since the 1970’s (maybe later I’ll show them pictures of those bra burning, man-hating feminists).  

I told them they can be heroes, serving as police officers or as one of the 1.6 million women in our US military.  

I told them women represent the largest population in America and that strong, smart girls like them can be intimidating to some boys.  

Then I gave them a wink, and hoped my words answered the question posed by our server, and filled their hearts with courage as they face all the obstacles ahead of them.

When you came back, they smiled like they knew something you didn’t, and they did.

be-the-change

My daughters didn’t deserve to feel bad about being born girls.  While they are not entitled to much, they are entitled to self worth.  You didn’t give them their first lesson in gender bias and it won’t be their last.  They will deal with discrimination from good intentioned, misguided people throughout their lives.  I just hope that this letter, and the faces of my 3 girls, will make you think a little more about who’s sitting at your table.

Sincerely,

Mom to the Smart, Powerful Bosses at Table 23

 

17 thoughts on “To The Man Who Served My Husband Sympathy For Having 3 Girls

  1. Addison says:

    79 cents to the dollar, less for minorities. Women absolutely should stand up for equality. Feminism is not a dirty word. It is not man-hating, but rather empowerment.

  2. Brittany|Memoirs Of A Good Thing says:

    My husband and I get this ALL THE TIME! We now have 4 girls and 1 boy. It doesn’t bother us though. We know they mean no harm. Honestly my husband is not looking forward to dealing with “boys” in their future…he loves his little girls and just wants them to stay that way. He doesn’t want to have to give them away to another man so I just remind him he will always be their first love =)

    • Lisa Simmerman says:

      Teach your girls to have self confidence and raise their voices and they’ll be strong enough to handle the boys on their own. Dads of sons have the toughest job – they have to raise their boys to respect girls, not chase them like a “piece of meat” or call them names. Next time someone offers sympathy for having 4 girls, just simply say, “Don’t be.” It’s so easy and gives just enough of a nudge to make them aware of what they just said.

    • Lisa Simmerman says:

      Thank you! That was luck (genetics too I guess) but raising them to be beautiful on the inside and confident on the outside is the real challenge.

  3. Diana says:

    I hate people like that! Everyone assumed my husband wanted a boy because yeah, all men want baby boys. He actually wanted a little girl more, but would have been happy either way. He just wanted a healthy baby, but we did get our little princess! You would think that by now women would be seen as equals, but nope, men are still the proffered gender.

    • Lisa Simmerman says:

      Thanks! I’m glad you got my sarcasm mixed in with those unfortunately common phrases used to describe girls.

  4. Sondra says:

    I agree, I don’t believe he meant any harm by it, there are things people say all the time that tend to get stuck in our vocabulary of conversation. Your girls are beautiful though and they are lucky to have a father like your husband who can push off such a comment made by someone who probably wasn’t thinking how that sounds to those young girls.

    • Lisa Simmerman says:

      Yep, it’s so easy to brush off those comments because you know they meant no harm, but when someone hurts your kids, in any way, we have to protect them. It’s more important than being nice. Thanks for your comment and kind words.

    • Lisa Simmerman says:

      Don’t ever feel sad for having a girl! Girl’s run the freakin’ world and we have to remind them of their power every single day!

    • Lisa Simmerman says:

      I just read your webpage bio; women’s college, advocate for breastfeeding, Mother Earth, etc., nearly everything in your bio is about women. So, I’m really interested in your feelings about why you feel pity over having a girl. Maybe we can collaborate on a post. I have a feeling you have an interesting perspective on this.

  5. Tracy says:

    I don’t have kids yet but I can’t even explain how much I love this post! I agree with the fact that the waiter probably meant no harm with what he said but it is important to recognize how saying things like that can have an effect on children and women in general! This article was so well written out and what you tell your girls about how far women have come is beautiful!

  6. Tara says:

    Daughters are a blessing. We do have to guard our children from the “innocent” comments of others. We have to explain things to them. My son is adopted from China. It’s amazing the things that people will say in front of him.

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