To the man who served my husband sympathy,
You may not remember us, but we were the table of 5 that sat in your section on Tuesday night. You greeted us with coasters, gave us your name and addressed my husband,
“3 girls? I’m sorry, dude.”
Yeah, you sorry alright.
You’re a sorry excuse to try and bond with my daughter’s proud father by apologizing to him (in front of our girls) for their gender. As if he is cursed, or less fortunate that God didn’t bless him with a boy.
My husband wanted to put your gangly neck in his 20” bicep while I force fed you the horse shit that just flew out of your mouth, but that would just be uncivilized. Instead, my husband responded as he usually does when misguided people make comments like this about, and in front of, our daughters,
He simply said, “don’t be. I’m extremely blessed,” and then smiled across the table at our girls.
Once you left, our girls asked, “why did he apologize for us being girls?” My response to them will come later, but as for you Mr. Waiter…
I don’t believe you’re a bad person. I won’t even label you a sexist or a misogynist. I think you are a representation of society’s view of women and your unconscious comment was something you’ve heard and maybe repeated numerous times before.
I mean, who doesn’t already know that girls are way too emotional, and 3 of them? Forget about it! My poor husband is going to be a prisoner in his own home with 3 bossy, PMSing girls who make it their mission to bring their cursed misery down upon their old dad.
Those bitches are going to drive him crazy with their non stop talking and drama. Can a guy just come home to a warm, home cooked meal and a cold beer without their women getting their panties all in a bunch over nothing?
Oh, and just wait until they’re teenagers! Those curves are just “asking for it” and boys will soon be breaking down dad’s door in hopes his precious little girls will be ready and willing. You’ll be on 24 hour pussy patrol, and that no longer is a good thing, dude.
You’re screwed either way, Dad. Bring them up to be ladies who don’t raise their voices, and they could be whores, easy, or loose. Then again, raise them to be strong women who speak up for themselves, and rejected boys will just call them those names anyway.
From a reputation standpoint, all a boy has to worry about is throwing a ball without getting called a pussy, or reading a book without getting called a little bitch, or… wait, those are just more labels used against boys that actually insult women.
Maybe it wasn’t a playful joke and you were sincerely apologizing for the worry Dad will endure by having 3 girls. Maybe you’re aware that 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before the age 18 or that young girls are 4 times more likely to be a victim of rape than adult women. Maybe you were making a joke at the expense of the 20 million women who have been raped at some point in their lives. I don’t think you’re a bad person, so I’m going to assume this was not your intent.
I believe you meant no harm, it was just a little statement. I should probably quit being a snowflake and “man up,” but here’s the thing, I have daughters to raise.
After you left, I told my daughters that girls like them are changing the world. That once upon a time, girls couldn’t vote but now we represent the majority of voters.
I told them that once upon a time women couldn’t work, but now the amount of women becoming doctors, lawyers, and accountants has tripled since the 1970’s (maybe later I’ll show them pictures of those bra burning, man-hating feminists).
I told them they can be heroes, serving as police officers or as one of the 1.6 million women in our US military.
I told them women represent the largest population in America and that strong, smart girls like them can be intimidating to some boys.
Then I gave them a wink, and hoped my words answered the question posed by our server, and filled their hearts with courage as they face all the obstacles ahead of them.
When you came back, they smiled like they knew something you didn’t, and they did.
My daughters didn’t deserve to feel bad about being born girls. While they are not entitled to much, they are entitled to self worth. You didn’t give them their first lesson in gender bias and it won’t be their last. They will deal with discrimination from good intentioned, misguided people throughout their lives. I just hope that this letter, and the faces of my 3 girls, will make you think a little more about who’s sitting at your table.
Mom to the Smart, Powerful Bosses at Table 23
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