A Reminder to New Moms

Hey Gorgeous,

Yeah you, with greasy hair, hairy armpits, black circles, and a baby crying on your hip.  I know you smell like a milk factory and while you give up your body to feed your baby, you haven’t had a decent meal in a few days.  The healthy new recipes you once pinned, are replaced by takeout menus and you hate yourself for not caring more about yourself.

Yeah, you.  You’re beautiful and amazing.  You are sustaining human life, think about that, creating, molding, nourishing life.  Amazing. While at times you may feel as though you’ve lost yourself in this process, I hope you realize you’re only sharing your gifts with your child for a little while.  One day, when you have your body back (your waistline and your sanity), you will watch them use your gifts to take on the world.

YOU look at your baby as a miracle of life, but she’s looking at you as her miracle.  Your bond with her is forever and it started the day of her birth.  Nobody can replace you.  You are her entire world but don’t let that responsibility crush you, let it carry you. Through the endless, sleepless nights.  Through the feelings of guilt.  When you feel like you’re not doing enough and when you feel you can’t give anything more. 

Hey you, please remember that even when you feel weak, when you’re crying about everything and on the brink of insanity due to lack of sleep, know that you are strong.  Mothers are the closest form of super heroes we will ever know on Earth.  Your super power is not only in nourishing and sustaining her life, but in nourishing yourself.

One day, you will get a full nights sleep again.  One day, your body will not be constantly on loan to a hungry baby.  One day you will look in the mirror and see a clean, well groomed woman. 

… but today, look at that messy mom in the mirror and appreciate the power, beauty and strength in your reflection. Tell that mama she’s amazing, a miracle, a freakin’ super hero.

Because she is.

Dear Dad, A Letter From A New Mom

Dear Dad,

Congrats on your beautiful baby!  

You watched your wife give birth and were probably awestruck by the miracle of life.  You admired her strength as she brought life into the world.  You probably cried the first time you saw your baby, a living, breathing reflection of you.  You searched his features looking for signs of you or your wife and thanked God he was healthy.  You feel in love with your wife all over again, and that baby only made your love stronger.

Bringing Home Baby

You may have felt helpless as you watched your wife care for your infant like a trained professional.  Maybe you even felt inadequate because she seemed to know so much, and you didn’t know where to begin.

What I hope you see is that she is learning, just like you.  She’s learning her baby’s cues and reacting to them.  She’s reading about babies, she’s talking about babies, everything is babies, babies, babies!  She’s giving herself every minute of the day to the needs of her child.  She’s not a professional, she’s definitely not competing for the best parent award, she’s a new parent, just like you, and she needs you by her side.

Providing for Baby

I’m sure it didn’t take long before you felt the pressure of having to provide for a family now.  That support is obviously important, especially now that your wife is recovering from childbirth and nourishing your child.  She may not return to work for a while or you may have decided to become a one income family.  Whatever the reason, your role as a provider is appreciated and vital to your family.  

I hope that in addition to providing for your family financially, you are able to see the demands of your wife’s new “job”.  Her hours are 24/7 and the job requirements are innumerable.  She’s constantly in training and feeling like she could be doing a better “job”, her boss is rarely satisfied, and her work is NEVER done.  

It takes a tremendous about of physical and emotional strength to be a mom and while she may make it look easy, it’s not.  IF she is forced to do this job alone, after 6 months of 24 hour days where she is always on call and often up all night, she will break down.  You will barely recognize her as the woman you married, because she can barely remember who that woman was.  

A diaper a day, keeps wifezilla away!

I hope that you will recognize that you are a team and equally responsible for the well-being of your baby.  Keep mom mentally healthy by letting her sleep through the night once a week.  Help with one feeding a day or agree to change the diapers after 6pm.  Don’t make her ask, because she won’t, and it will just add to her mental frustration.  Listen to your instincts as a dad, and respond to your baby’s needs as your wife does.

This Too Shall Pass

Having a baby is probably the largest sudden change your relationship will ever see.  It will test your patience and your love.  At first, you may have felt closer to your wife than ever, but soon, the baby’s needs trump everything and mom and dad are left feeling like the neglected ones.  

There will be times, Dad, when you resent your baby.  You’ll want your wife back.  You’ll miss her wild side, when she was fun and let her hair down.  Now it’s always in a pony tail covered in baby spit, smelling like regurgitated milk.

I hope you know that she misses that girl too.  She probably doesn’t even recognize herself in the mirror anymore.  She’ll need your gentle reminders of her strength and beauty, and your understanding if at the end of the day, she just can’t find it in herself to give anymore.  She LOVES that you still find her sexy, smelling like old milk, lookin’ a hot mess.

Dad, your role as a new parent is just as important as your role in caring for your wife during this time.  It’s not about being equal, but your actions can be monumental, and in return, you will receive more love that your giant heart can handle.

Sincerely,

A once overwhelmed, stressed, insane new mom who is now happily in the school-age phase and loving it!


This letter does not apply to all dads and all situations.  Many dads are primary care givers of their infant and deserve the same care during this time.  I feel it’s important to talk about the beauty and the obstacles of life so we can relate to one another and feel less alone during tough times.  Having a baby is life’s greatest gift and understanding how dynamics change can make us appreciate the first year even more.

About a Boy: The American Dream

I have one simple wish for when my children grow up; I want their hearts to be free, their souls to be nourished, and their burdens to be few. 

Part I:  About a boy

It was Senior year, he had taken all the classes his parents told him to take and ended up with a very high GPA as well as a partial scholarship.  When asked what college he was going to, he answered with the same college his mother went to.  When asked what he wanted to major in, he answered with the program his dad guided him toward.

He chose finance because, well, money makes the world go ‘round.  His parents assured him he would have no trouble finding a job after college and that his salary would be along the lines of what he had been raised on.  His parents had money, and their spending whether it be on the design of their beautiful home, or extravagant trips, was never a secret.    

He graduated with a Business Degree in Finance and got a job with a local branch of a Wall Street giant.  Less than a year later, when the greed and corruption of floating money hit the fan, he was let go.  He moved to Tampa to follow his fiancé, and has been crunching numbers with the same company for over 10 years.

He eventually married his high school sweetheart, bought a nice house in the suburbs, and had a couple of kids, but he wasn’t happy.  Why wasn’t all of it enough?

It wasn’t enough because he was living someone else’s dream.

He sacrificed his love of art, and his dreams of living in a big city.  He never took his musical talent seriously, even though music is what nourishes his soul.  He liked the attention of exotic girls, and imaged himself dancing with them until the wee hours of the night at an underground nightclub in London.  The image of himself in his heart and in his soul, were unrealistic compared to who he had to be in the eyes of others, so he killed them.

He stopped dancing.  He stopped making art.  He stopped making music.  He hated his job.  He got divorced.  He felt like he sacrificed it all, for what?

His soul was lost in an American Dream he didn’t create.  It’s like a version of the Truman Show where everyone is controlling your life without you realizing it.  One day you wake up, and go “who’s life I this?  Who am I?”

He lives without true freedom, without a happy soul, and with more burdens than he can carry. 

Want to read more?

Read Part II Here

Read Part III Here